Lying on the kitchen floor, surrounded by broken glass, toddler not strapped into her high chair, unable to move. That's not where I expected to find myself on a Thursday morning. My lower back had gone into complete spasm. I've had back pain before but never this acute and disabling. I just about managed to strap toddler in but she had already dropped the glass of water by then.
Fiance was away, so I had no choice but to call a local friend to come and help (one who I barely know considering I've only lived in Bristol for 2 months). Thank goodness she came over quickly and could look after my toddler with her own. The spasms only got worse over the next few hours and eventually we had to call the paramedics otherwise I would have never got off the floor. After consuming ALL the drugs to ease the pain, they managed to get me on my feet.
I write this the day after (standing as I still cannot sit) and I am improving slowly. One of the things I found hard yesterday was allowing everything to just be. Understanding I couldn't control what happened next. Even when the paramedics were there looking after me, it took me a long while to really let go and not feel a sense of responsibility for them as they were in my house. The whole time my friend was looking after my toddler I was worried if she was hungry, happy, warm. I spend my days thinking about what's going to happen next it felt so strange to not need to do that. Once Fiance was home I could allow myself to be really looked after and he has done a fantastic job of that and keeping our toddler alive at the same time (a man that can multi-task hooray!). So maybe I just need to know someone for a long time before I can trust them to take over. If I'm really honest, I'm quite enjoying the enforced time lying down and catching up on my book and podcasts!
Can Alexander Technique fix my back this time? It's not a straight answer. More on this next time.
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